It's killing me, but as long as you're happy...

Sometimes I just wonder if anyone tries as hard as I do. Not in all aspects of life. But I wonder if anyone tries to make me happy as hard as I try to make them happy. I can't help but feel like no one does. I'm not mad about it really, it's not the end of my world, but it bothers me a little. It bothers me that I could sacrifice myself and my happiness to entertain and comfort, but no one seems to try to want to throw me a small bit of happiness at all. I've been feeling really down lately and the fact that I'm alone only adds fuel to the fire, the fact that I'm miserable and feel worthless remains unacknowledged. No matter how much I cry out for a little bit of love I get nothing, but I try my best to give so much of it. And really after putting this out into the universe I don't want love out of pity, I don't. I don't want a friend to read this and say 'OH I know how to make her feel better!' Honestly it'd mean nothing. Nothing but worthless pity.
I wanted you to realize that maybe you have to give back what you get.
I wanted you all to realize that the changes in my life never affect the attention I give you, but any alteration of your life is cause for chaos.
I want a little attention in my dreams, in my daydreams, in my own words. I don't even focus on my own plots in stories it's so sad, I don't say what I want too much because I feel like I'm begging and being needy...I like to give.

It's so funny because everyone thinks I'm greedy...yet two seconds later they think I'm so generous...
I'm a giver more often, but it's so easy to notice how much I take...
Idk what I'm saying anymore...I just want someone to give back and heaven forbid I get it, because then I'm greedy.

Sail

Set sails aiming for the sake of savin'
Hoping for the hiding sun
Wading in the oceans making no movement
Waiting til time was gone

I would always call
Never seemed to fall for
The way you looked and cared for life
You were never there, the waves just kept you by

Invisible and powerless is how I sat at night
Upright; Out of mind is out of sight
Close into me, I hold out for the light
Oh, but out of mind, I'm out of sight

I would never tell you
Never make days come to
An end that didn't fit quite tight
But someone else told me
Someone else known me--
Better than I ever thought you might

I sat praying on the shores sayin'
That you'd never ever ever find the light
Or you'd pull back, stay in
Could you make your way in?
Without pride fakin' a fight

Invisible and powerless is how I sit at night
Upright; Out of mind is out of sight
Close into me, I hold out for the light
Oh, but out of mind, I'm out of sight

When will the tides
--I'll sleep at night--
To take me in strides
--Stay out of sight--

(When will I...When will I...When will I...)

Invisible and powerless is how I sit at night (When will I?)
Upright; Out of mind is out of sight (When will I?)
Close into me, I hold out for the light (When will I?)
Oh, but out of mind, I'm out of sight (When will I?)
Out of sight.